Crunch Time

I know what you are thinking- wow! Two posts in two days! But ach! It's March so that means that I leave THIS month for Ukraine! The greatest adventure of my life so far is about to start! And that means that there is so much running through my mind. About packing, prepping, and all the simple logistics of leaving. But there is also that whole mental part- nervousness about moving to a new culture and new country, trying to make a difference in a foreign language, whether I am even able to succeed at such a huge mission. All of it. And in reading fellow PCV's blogs I have come to both a clearer impression of what it is exactly and also gained a few fears. Such as the enormity of the challenge that is surviving a Ukrainian/Russian winter- the lack of sunshine here in Nebraska was starting to actually make me miss Florida. Anyhow, the point is that one PCV mentions courage. Whether it takes courage to stay or courage to go.

Talk about a serious question. And the answer is both, but legitimately considering the question just leads to so many more questions about PC and about life. When I was working on my travel scrapbook I was adding in the Going Away notes that I received from my Fl people. Now, I didn't cry when I left them, nor did I cry when I read the notes at the time. But right now, now I am definitely emotional. Was I sane when I made that decision to leave for an adventure? Did I do the right thing? And over all of that, how could I be so fast at leaving all my friends? The thing that I have to remember is that everything changes regardless of geography. The fantastic little world I created for myself in Orlando was just as changing. Which friends would I have grown closer to over the next year. Which friends may have faded away. What would my job change to as I put more effort and time into it. Whose life would I have impacted and who would have impacted me? All the very same questions that will apply whether I stay in the same place or move to another, say, Ukraine.

So pictures, cards, memories are all awesome and inspiring. But they are permanent moments in the past. So I feel that there isn't really a question of courage. Whether you like it or not, tomorrow brings something new. You can't change that. The challenge is understanding that with or without courage tomorrow is a new day and a mystery. That wisdom with courage just helps you to understand that geography is simply superfluous information. Your friends will stay with you in heart and in contact, if they don't they weren't friends anyhow and it was time not geography that changed it. Now, this is one of those things that is easier said than done and I will be the first to admit it. I made a wonderful life for myself out in the Sunshine State. And friends that changed my life. I have stories that are beginning to define who I am. And as my departure gets closer (20 days!)I realize more and more what I am leaving behind. And yours truly is sad for all that I have left. But I am trying to stay strong, and courageous, everything that has made me is still with me, and my friends and family are and will always be close in heart to me.

And, I will be back in 27 months for an epic reunion! And when that happens, I will be a better person and have even more stories to share with you. And I will be eagerly awaiting to hear your stories about life and adventures. Because, after all, you will be having them too!!